This is the final instalment of our series on how to build a life you love.The topic this week is one I\u2019ve thought about a lot in the last year, \u2018Social Connectedness\u2019. There has been a spate of headlines and news articles written about the epidemic of loneliness in the world today, with statistics like, \u2018In 2021, 49 percent of adults have three or fewer friends compared to 27 percent in 1990\u2019 1<\/sup> or \u20181 in 4 adults in the UK feel lonely some or all of the time\u2019.2 <\/sup>It is a sad state of affairs.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you happen to be experiencing loneliness, I want to let you know that you are seen. I went through a period in my life, in my 20s, when I felt lonely and disconnected. I remember sitting at home many weekends, ruminating on the fact that I had nothing to do and nowhere to go. What felt worse was the thought I had that no one cared enough to check up on me (bar my family and a couple of friends). I was probably doing my friends a disservice in thinking that way, but the feeling was acute. There was a discrepancy (an unmet need) between my preferred and actual social experiences\u2026I felt lonely. <\/p>\n\n\n \u2018SOCIAL CONNECTEDNESS\u2019<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Social connectedness is the extent to which we engage with important, supportive people in our lives in ways that heighten our sense of belonging and well-being.3<\/sup> It is the experience of feeling loved, cared for and valued, and our ability to rely on others. The relationships that contribute to good social connection are varied and include interactions with family, friends, neighbours, colleagues etc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n While travelling on my sabbatical, when asked where I lived, I would wrinkle my nose as I blurted out \u2018Birmingham\u2019. I did this every single time. I knew I had fallen out of love with Birmingham years earlier but I hadn\u2019t realised how much I had grown to dislike my life in Birmingham. I didn\u2019t want to come back to the same life, so something had to give. I was either going to have to put in the effort to create a life I loved in Birmingham or I would have to move to a different city… or country!<\/p>\n\n\n\n I chose the former.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n In thinking about why I no longer loved living in Birmingham, it dawned on me that over the years I had grown socially isolated in the city. As friends had moved away and I\u2019d lost touch with others, I had retreated into the cocoon of my work life. Most of the meaningful relationships I had were with people who lived outside of Birmingham. I had to tip the balance the other way. <\/p>\n\n\n Here are three things I am doing, and that you can do, to make a difference to your level of social connectedness:<\/p>\n\n\n\n One of the challenges we have is that we can\u2019t dedicate the time and energy to develop deep, meaningful friendships with everyone. So you may need to think carefully about which relationships you would like to prioritise, perhaps those with whom you have a deeper connection or similar values. Put in the work and it will bear fruit. The degree to which our relationships serve our various needs (emotional, companionship, validation, mentoring, etc) is an important factor in our connectedness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Be proactive and make the effort to see your family, friends, and loved ones more often. If you have a busy schedule, why not run errands together? Or invite them to the exercise class you go to? The frequency of our interactions also impacts our social connectedness. I believe we have better quality interactions and more meaningful connections when we meet in person. <\/p>\n\n\n\n For me, going back to church was a way to belong to a group. I\u2019m doing it differently this time, in that I am actively getting invested in my church community – getting to know others, attending socials and volunteering. You can do the same with whatever group you choose to join. Sites like \u2018meetup.com\u2019 and \u2018eventbrite\u2019\u00a0 are a good way to discover what groups are out there, if you don\u2019t know where to start.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n Final Thoughts<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n These simple changes I have made have helped me feel more socially connected in Birmingham\u2026 I\u2019m actually loving living in the city these days! Of course one size doesn\u2019t fit all, but I hope it shows anyone out there who is feeling a little lost or disconnected that there are practical steps you can take to build great relationships and find your community of people who love and care about you.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019ll leave you with one last statistic: \u2018\u2018The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, and even greater than that associated with obesity and physical inactivity “.1<\/sup><\/p>\n\n\n\n Now if that\u2019s not a reason for us to get out of our houses and make connections, I don\u2019t know what is!<\/p>\n\n\n\n What other strategies have you used to build meaningful social connections? I would love to know.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n References<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n A series of blog posts on the small steps you can take to build a life you love. Read Part 1 on \u2018Good-Work Life Balance\u2019, Part 2 \u2018Mental Resilience and Well-being\u2019 and Part 2b\u2019 Physical Fitness\u2019. 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