Anyone who knows me (…or stalks my Facebook) knows I love travelling. That’s LOVE, in capitals. And like most people who love travelling, I have often dreamed of chucking it all in, and travelling the globe for a year or more. However, those thoughts remained firmly in the fantasy realm until a couple of incidents occurred, and ignited in me a desire to make it a reality.

I realised that I didn’t need to have a lot of money saved up, to go travelling 

The first was an innocuous conversation with one of my soon to be sisters-in-law, in November 2021. We were talking about the barriers to living out this dream. Hers, a serendipitous connection with my brother, which had led to a serious relationship, and mine, the financial practicalities, when she said to me, ‘Well, if you run out of money, you can always get a job!’.

She said this in such an obvious, no nonsense way, that a light bulb went off in my head ‘Duh!’. Yes, of course, I could always get a job. Why had that never occurred to me? For me, the idea of getting a job had always equated to having to sit an exam, in order to be able to practise Psychiatry in a different country. She was suggesting getting a job (any job), in order to make money, if I got really strapped for cash while travelling. This was a much more straightforward proposition. It seems preposterous that I had never considered it.

And in fact, this played right into other fantasies of mine. You know those – quit my really stressful job and work somewhere with minimal responsibility and expectations, or the fantasy to explore a range of alternative careers including pursuing my passion in interior design, becoming a writer, or the even more outlandish option to work as an extra on a film set. Yes, really. (Let me explain, I have zero desire to become a movie star but I’ve always been curious about how movies are made, and I figure a job as an extra would be a really good way to experience this first hand).

There are a number of organisations and websites that help travellers find jobs, work experience, volunteering opportunities, homestays etc while travelling. The one most travellers I have met seem to use is www.workaway.info 

I realised that my work was making me ill

The second incident took place in December 2021 when I was off sick from work, diagnosed with ‘burnout’ by my GP. (Let’s not talk about how ridiculous it is that it took a GP to diagnose a psychiatrist with burnout, but there we were). I knew things were really bad when I  cancelled a trip to Paris to see my younger sister. Although I blamed it on the newly imposed Covid travel requirements due to the omicron variant, I was also too exhausted to summon any energy to do the bare minimum required to go on the trip.

I experienced all those symptoms and more. I was constantly exhausted. Weekends, long weekends and even whole weeks away no longer felt restorative. I would return to work often feeling just as tired as when I had left. 

I noticed that I was increasingly pessimistic at, and about, work. The high staff turnover, depleted workforce, increased service demand, dysfunctional management, lack of support and poor workplace culture felt insurmountable, no matter how hard I and everyone else tried. I had very little hope that things would get better, and I worried that my negativism was catching! I also noticed that I was disengaged from the things that I would normally be so present and enthused about – teaching, training and education, looking after the emotional wellbeing of trainees and colleagues, to name a few.  

For the first time in my life, I felt that I wasn’t being good at my job. Nothing I did was to my usual standard, and I felt I was letting down myself, my team and my trainees. No one ever complained about my work, and in fact most people told me I was taking on too much and doing too much (which can also be present in burnout) but those negative thoughts and sense of ‘reduced professional efficacy’ persisted. 

If you work in the NHS and you feel any of the above, you are not alone. The House of Commons Health and Social Care Committee Report on ‘Workforce burnout and resilience in the NHS and Social Care’ ² is a good read that quantifies the scale of the issue.  

It is important to note that burnout is ‘primarily related to the environment…such as when there is a mismatch between the workload and the resources needed to do the work in a meaningful way’, therefore solutions need to be directed at the work environment, not at the individual.  So yes, there are things that you can do to help yourself (self-care, diet, sleep, exercise, social support etc) but it is really important that you speak to your manager, boss, occupational health etc so that there are also workplace solutions. (Other resources on burnout are listed below) ^3,4 

I realised that my life had to be about more than work 

I recall sitting in my living room in December, reflecting on what had brought things to such a pass, when a question popped into my head, ‘At the end of your life, what are you going to look back on, and feel proud that you had spent time doing?’ It is a variation of the age-old question about life, and the regrets that people have at the end of their lives. 

I realised that as much as I loved my job, and I believe that it is such important work, I did not want to get to the end of my life and discover that I had spent all my time at work. 

In all honesty, I had spent the best part of the year trying to make a decision about work, to quit or not to quit. I oscillated between love for my team (who are absolutely fantastic), love for inpatient adolescent psychiatry and therefore wanting to stay and feeling ground down by the intensity of the work, my growing responsibilities and the decline in the quality of the service (as more clinicians and non-clinicians left). I had talked through options with friends and family for so long, that I felt I was in danger of boring everyone with my indecision. 

It would be unfair to lay all the blame on work, although the 10-12hrs I put in daily for almost a year (at the start of the pandemic) didn’t help. I definitely can’t ignore the role that Covid played in all this. I had lost my main source of rest and restoration – travel, during the 2 years of lockdowns. At one point I actually felt ‘claustrophobic’ at the thought that I hadn’t travelled out of the UK in 18 months.  In addition, the restrictions and limited opportunities for socialising had led me to become even more introverted. As restrictions eased, I found myself less inclined to take advantage of social invitations. Worse, in my exhaustion, I barely had the energy to keep in touch with friends or family by electronic means or otherwise. 

I had picked up new hobbies – running, pottery, that I thoroughly enjoyed, and continued to enjoy walking/hiking and travelling within the UK but I felt like my work/life remained severely imbalanced.

I realised that I had to be intentional about my life, in 2022

Going back to work in the New Year, I was certain of one thing, 2022 had to be different. Something had to give…and unfortunately work seemed to be the major contributing factor, in my dissatisfaction.

So, I asked for a 6-month sabbatical. 

My medical director was absolutely fantastic. He checked if there were other things that could be done to support me at work, or if I wanted a change within the organisation for e.g. to work in a different department but nope, I wanted a clean break from all kinds of work.  

I knew it was the worst timing for the service, and I did feel a level of guilt about this, including guilt that I was ‘abandoning’ ŧhe team, but I also knew I had to put myself first. And, I have to say, everyone was really understanding, and supportive of, my decision. 

I spent the next three months dreaming of,  and planning for, an epic trip. The last few weeks before I left were some of the most stressful weeks on the job and only the thought of my upcoming sabbatical got me through. I felt really sad to leave what had been (and still is, in some respects) my dream job but yet another 7.30pm finish on my last day only cemented the fact that I had made the right decision.

I don’t want to over romanticise this decision. There are some significant practicalities involved in swanning off travelling for 6 months – what to do about your mortgage, income, pensions, savings, management of chronic health conditions/doctor appointments, car etc (Let me know if you’d like me to write a post about this). I can’t say I managed it all well…I have to admit that I got to a point where I thought, `If any of these things are preventing me from fulfilling a ‘life-long dream’, I have to rethink my priorities in life.’ 

I took the plunge, without necessarily knowing where I would land.

If your dreams don’t scare you, they aren’t big enough.

Ellen Johnson Sirleaf

What I can tell you is that, thus far, it has been a pretty sweet ride. 

References

1. ‘Burnout ‘an occupational phenomenon’: International Classification of Diseases. World Health Organisation Departmental News. Published 28 May 2019. https://www.who.int/news/item/28-05-2019-burn-out-an-occupational-phenomenon-international-classification-of-diseases  
2. House of Commons Health and Social Care Committee. Workforce burnout and resilience in the NHS and social care: second report of session 2021-22. 8 Jun 2021. https://committees.parliament.uk/publications/6158/documents/68766/default/ 
3. Stress and Burnout, How to spot the signs. NHS Leadership Academy https://learninghub.leadershipacademy.nhs.uk/executivesuite/support-in-difficult-times/stress-and-burnout/ 
4. (For psychiatrists/trainees) ‘Managing stress and avoiding burnout e-learning modules’ on RCPsych CPD Online https://elearning.rcpsych.ac.uk/default.aspx?page=5708